Who’s to-do list are you living?
Why do we all permanently have to-dos?
When did this come about?
Have our to-dos increased in the modern world?
Is it “lazy” to not do to-dos or not have them in the first place?
Are to-dos the modern version of evolution?
Those are the questions that circled my mind this warmer-than-usual Monday morning, after a weekend of absolutely no to-dos.
To-dos started out as survival and seasonal needs — and weren’t written in a list or tagged, colour coded and planned in an over-the-top to-do app.
Nowadays they are influenced by society, consumerism and technological advances.
Society said we can be better therefore we should be better.
Consumerism said we can have more therefore we have to maintain more.
Technological advances mean we can do more therefore we should do more.
We have created a culture of productivity where he who has the longest list (and has ticked off most of said list), is better than he who didn’t even write a list in the first place.
But is this what we actually want?
Most of my days are driven by to-do lists. Mondays to Fridays are for ensuring my business is growing, and weekends are for stopping the weeds from growing. Each requiring a list so things aren’t forgotten, missed or allowed to get out of control.
To-dos tied to survival and seasonal needs were responses to the environment. The problem is that, today, our environment is screaming at us from every single direction and our to-do lists fill up quicker than we can get through them.
The real problem is that when we’re always busy we don’t have the time, nor the mental bandwidth, to ask the more important questions.
Am I doing things that matter to me?
Are these tasks aligned with my values and vision?
Am I just responding to a culture that profits from my perpetual sense of inadequacy and busyness?
The point here is that to-dos are not bad. And I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t have them. But I am suggesting we pay mindful attention to who’s to-dos they are.
Tasks that are genuinely yours emerge from your values, your vision of a life well-lived, your relationships and your curiosities.
Tasks that are not yours get implanted through cultural expectations, comparison with others, advertising and the pressure to optimise everything.
Society tells you who you are.
Capitalism tells you what you want.
A to-do list full of other peoples tasks stops you living in alignment with your life.
If you’re forever completing other peoples tasks, you don’t have the time and space to ask “is this even what I want?”.
How do you distinguish between tasks that are authentically yours vs. ones you’ve absorbed from elsewhere?
To start, you can use the CORE framework to check if your tasks are yours or someone else’s:
Connection – Do you feel genuinely connected to this task, or are you performing for others? Ask yourself: if no one ever knew whether I did this thing or not, would I still do it? When you imagine your future self having completed it, what feeling comes up? If it’s “people will be impressed,” it’s probably not yours. If it’s “I created something I’m really proud of,” it’s likely authentically yours.
Origin – Where did this task come from? Did it emerge from your own experiences, observations or desires? Or did it come from comparison (seeing what others are doing), consumption (advertising or media telling you what you need), or conformity (what people “should” do)?
Root – What’s the underlying desire beneath this task? Understanding the root may change the task itself. For example, posting content on social media every single day may have a root desire of wanting success, but if you define success as not working more than you need to, then perhaps the task is misaligned with what you actually want.
Energy – Does this task generate energy or drain it? Tasks that are truly yours tend to create energy even when they’re challenging — there’s a quality of aliveness or engagement, even if they’re challenging. Tasks from elsewhere feel like obligation all the way through and drain your energy before, during, and after.
But for lasting change, you need to cultivate the time and space to actually feel the difference rather than just mentally analysing the difference. Because when you start to feel the difference between your tasks and someone else’s, it becomes a more automatic way of being.
This is where my More Mindful Life philosophy comes in:
- Know yourself
- Know what you want
- Live in alignment with 1 & 2
Knowing yourself requires the kind of attention and honesty most people avoid their whole lives. It’s not just “I like coffee and dislike crowds,” it’s understanding your actual values, your patterns, what genuinely energises vs. depletes you, where your programming ends and you begin.
Knowing what you want is harder because we’re drowning in other people’s wants that have been masterfully packaged as our own. Plus, our wants can, and will, change! What you wanted at 20 isn’t what you want at 30. Knowing what you want isn’t something you just do once, it’s ongoing — and that’s a good thing because it means you’re growing.
Live in alignment is where the to-do list comes in. When you’re clear on 1 and 2, your tasks should feel aligned to you. They become expressions of who you are and what you want, rather than endless attempts to become someone else or to want the “right” things.
To-do lists aren’t the problem — filling them with other people’s priorities is. When your tasks emerge from truly knowing yourself and align with what you actually want, the to-do list becomes a tool for living your life rather than someone else’s.
So, the real question isn’t whether you should have a to-do list or not. It’s whether the tasks on it are actually yours.